Lead With Soul

Spirituality, embodiment, feminine energy & sacred rage with Jessica Soares

April 05, 2021 Kimberly King Season 1 Episode 6
Lead With Soul
Spirituality, embodiment, feminine energy & sacred rage with Jessica Soares
Chapters
Lead With Soul
Spirituality, embodiment, feminine energy & sacred rage with Jessica Soares
Apr 05, 2021 Season 1 Episode 6
Kimberly King

In this episode of Lead With Soul, we're diving deep into "love and light" spirituality, embodiment, feminine and masculine energy, and the power of sacred rage and anger.

I'm so excited and honoured to have Jessica Soares as a guest on today's episode. Jessica is an empowerment and self-sovereignty coach specializing in helping women overcome the fear of success and embrace the fullness of exactly who they are. She believes wholly in living an aligned life by design rather than default.

Connect with Jessica:
Instagram
Website

Find me on Facebook and Instagram or visit my website here.
Find more episodes of Lead With Soul and show notes here.
Download the transcription here.

Show Notes Transcript

In this episode of Lead With Soul, we're diving deep into "love and light" spirituality, embodiment, feminine and masculine energy, and the power of sacred rage and anger.

I'm so excited and honoured to have Jessica Soares as a guest on today's episode. Jessica is an empowerment and self-sovereignty coach specializing in helping women overcome the fear of success and embrace the fullness of exactly who they are. She believes wholly in living an aligned life by design rather than default.

Connect with Jessica:
Instagram
Website

Find me on Facebook and Instagram or visit my website here.
Find more episodes of Lead With Soul and show notes here.
Download the transcription here.

Episode 6: Spirituality, embodiment, feminine energy & sacred rage
with Jessica Soares

Intro:
Welcome to Lead With Soul — The podcast for spiritual entrepreneurs who are ready to build an impactful and profitable brand, create a thriving and sustainable business that aligns with your values, and experience more freedom, fulfillment and abundance in your life and business — while making a positive difference in the world. If you’re ready to elevate your business and brand to a new level, manifest your vision into reality and embody the leader you know you’re meant to be — this is the podcast for you. I’m your host, Kimberly King.

Kimberly King:
Hey, welcome to another episode of Lead With Soul. I am super excited to have a special guest on today, Jessica. I cannot wait to share this conversation that we're going to have with you. So, Jessica, I would love for you to introduce yourself, let everyone know who you are, what you do and a little bit more about your business.

Jessica Soares:
I would love to, thank you so much for having me Kimberly. So hi everyone. My name is Jessica Soares and I am an empowerment and self sovereignty coach, though I like to think of myself as more of a disruptor or rebel by profession. I just love to go into spaces and sort of, you know, mess things up a little in whatever way that that comes through. I do believe that we are far too comfortable with following the status quo and not really asking questions and digging in really deep. So that is the foundation of everything I do. I generally work with women who are aspiring change makers. Whether this is artists or healers or aspiring politicians, but people who really, really want to affect big change in the world, but are struggling with how to do it. Very often we have all these big feelings, opinions, ideas, but no way to channel that into aligned action. And so that's where I come in. And I love my job. I love working with people that inspire me every day, people that are going in and messing up their own industries and other people's lives and just encouraging us all to be a little more sovereign, a little more independent minded. So that's what I do in a nutshell.

Kimberly King:
Amazing. I love it. What led you to or inspired you to do that work?

Jessica Soares:
Yeah, so I have always been a person who kind of questions the way things are done or questions the things that we take for granted. When I was three years old, I was getting baptized and the priest started pouring the water over my hair. And I looked up at him and I was like, why are you wetting my hair? No one had asked for my consent, no one had explained it to me. And I was like, what is this weird practice that everyone is just watching and seems to be totally okay with? And I like to say that I have never stopped asking why ever since that day. So I have always been very outspoken, big personality, opinionated, challenging, you know, like I did for a time, just challenge things for the sake of challenging them. And that wasn't always accepted, especially when I was in middle and high school. And I really did feel like I was, people tried to tame me and I got a lot of the you’re too much narrative and you know, too sensitive, too many opinions, too loud, you take up too much space and  that really messed with me for a long time, you know, like in very small and subtle ways, but it was something that really, really impacted me. And I am, I am a lot of things, right. If we're saying I am, as career titles, I am obviously a person, but I am a trained actor and writer and filmmaker, and that has always been my big passion since I was three, is to tell stories. And a lot of that comes from because I believe that in storytelling and hearing other people's stories and seeing other stories we can affect change, right? Like they invite us to ask so much why they inspire us. And that has been the thread of my whole life.

I've always been a person who also has worked in wellness and personal development, you know, so I had been working at a meditation studio for a very long time, and then I decided to take a life coaching certification program, more so to like deepen my own personal development. I was in therapy. I had my own coach and then lo and behold, like many other people, the pandemic hit, and I had this certification that I haven't totally finished. Right? Like it was that last step, the way in which we hold ourselves back. And it was one person, and then another person, and then when my oldest best friend was like, have you ever thought about being a life coach or like, you should be a life coach. I was like, okay. Okay. Universe. There's like the three bells. Because it's sort of like a role I always naturally fell into and I launched my business last year during the pandemic and that in itself has been such a healing and transformative journey for myself and has given me so much power that I wasn't able to have as an actor, right? Like I was relying on so many other people's decisions or other moving pieces, but as a business owner and as a coach, I get to choose who I work with and the fact that every day, I can change someone's life in a little way, or in a big way, through my newsletter or in our client sessions through my group programs, or just like through the content I share. That is what I love, because that's, for me, what it's all about, is empowering people to all ask that why.

Kimberly King:
I love that. That is amazing. Yeah. And I think so many people can relate to that experience of being, I know I definitely can, that experience of being told that you're too much or too sensitive or too emotional and feeling like there's something wrong with you for that, when really you're just who you are. And you're a human, having a human experience, emotions are okay to have, they are good to have, and it's super interesting how those things can impact us and carry through our whole life. So I think it's really amazing that you bring awareness to that and empower people to share their stories, because there's so much power in that as well. I would love to talk a little bit more about emotions. So I know something that you bring into your work and talk about through your content is the power of sacred rage and anger. And I'm super interested to dive into this and kind of learn a little bit more about what that is and what that looks like.

Jessica Soares:
Yeah. So this is something that I love to talk about because I feel like not enough people are talking about it, right. Especially in an era where let's face it, a lot of people are angry and rightfully so. People are angry with their family members. People are angry with their governments. People are angry with themselves and realizing all the things that they accepted in the past, you know, like it comes up in all these different forms and all these different facets. And I think that generally, like in the wellness, spiritual spaces, anger is still really looked down upon as a low vibration. Like, Oh my God, you got angry, no bueno, no, it would be like, we don't do that. And like you said, it's just another emotion, right? Like emotions at their core are chemical reactions in their body. Is it an emotion that particularly feels good the way we think of good? No. Is it an emotion that has a message? Absolutely. Is it an emotion that is arguably the most powerful for change? I would say yes. Very few things in our world, as it stands, have changed without people getting angry, people realizing, because that's what anger tells us at its core. Anger comes in and it's like, listen up lady, your boundaries have been crossed. You don't like how this is being done. You feel betrayed. What are you going to do about it? Anger asks for a response. So I think that when we begin to listen to our anger, treat it with reverence as we would any other emotion, begin to engage with it, play with it, dance with it, we can learn so much from it and then use it, use it as a catalyst for change and in doing so we release the fraught tension around it. What we don't want to do with our anger is bottle it all up inside and keep it stuck inside because energetically, that feels horrible on the inside, and that taxes the nervous system. We also don't want to bypass and go above it, right. Like, Oh, I don't, I don't feel anger. And it's like, okay, well then you're not feeling anything else. The depth to which we can experience one thing is the depth to which we can experience the other things. So I really think that let's devilify anger altogether, and let's learn how to actually make it work for us because when we're running away from it, we're giving anger all the power. We're disempowering ourselves, rather than being like, no, I'm going to make anger my friend. I'm going to teach it who’s in control and taking back the power from it.

Kimberly King:
Amazing. Definitely. Yeah. And I love what you said about emotions are chemical reactions. We decide what they mean to us and how we perceive them. And I've really started to change the way that I perceive my emotions and just seeing them as feedback. So if I'm feeling angry about something, if I'm feeling sad, anxious, whatever, what is that telling me? Something's not in alignment. Something is impacting me in a certain way. And I think allowing ourselves to actually feel those emotions and process them is incredibly powerful and important. And like you said, to not vilify them because there's nothing inherently wrong with feeling angry. Yes. It can be uncomfortable, but there's nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable at times. Part of growing, sometimes it's uncomfortable. So what does that look like? Like in terms of a tangible sense, if somebody is like, okay, I want to learn how to process my anger or feel my anger when that's something that maybe they have shut off for a long time and kind of pushed away and said, no, I need to be all high vibe and things like that. What does the process kind of look like to go deeper and experience that?

Jessica Soares:
I think that there is a process that's like the pre-work almost, which comes in doing that work of devilifying anger. I have a whole list of resources that I send people when we're working with this and we get into that. Like, when did you first learn that anger was bad? Where do you hold your shame around your anger? What do you think that being angry makes you? How does that reflect on you and your worth? And beginning with asking those three questions even is a great place to start and then doing the work to really, really take away the control, the hold of, the shame that anger has. There are some amazing books. One of them is good and mad which does some really great work around that. There's a New York Times article, I believe that's called, “I'm not sad, I'm angry”, something like that. I can send you the link. Also really good to get into that work and doing that as part of your practice, kind of like the clearing doing some of that work.

And then when anger comes in the moment, the thing with anger is unlike a lot of emotions because it comes in with such a force. Sometimes we can feel it, it can very quickly overtake us. So there's a few steps that I do when anger comes first, I greet it first with acknowledgement. This is anger. I am experiencing anger. I am holding anger. I am with anger right now, acknowledging its presence. And then breathing, as always, taking a deep breath and really feeling into that anger. Where does it live in your body? What texture is it? What color is it? What temperature is it? And starting to feel it as you're breathing in the body. Embodiment for me is everything. Everything starts and ends with the body. Is that anger living in your throat? Is it living in your hips? And just moving, allowing your body to let intuitive movement take over, and then letting that anger build, whether that means making a fist and releasing, making a fist and releasing, shaking, shaking is really, really effective for releasing anger. Throwing a tantrum, like a three-year-old tantrum, really like stomping and screaming, punching a pillow, throwing a pillow. If you have it available to you, go to like a smash room or something, but like physicalize it, physicalize the anger so that you can release that initial energy, that palpable, strong energy.

And then once that's done, you know, and this process can be done in like five minutes, right? Like I'm giving all of the options, but it can be done fairly quickly if you need to go about the rest of your day. For example, once the process of embodiment and release has happened, then you can begin to dialogue with your anger. Take out a journal or your voice recorder, maybe just sit in meditation and speak to your anger as if it was a person, like, why are you here today? You know, what, what brought you here today? And you know, which boundary has been crossed? What action are you asking me to take what needs to change? Because anger requires action. It's not an emotion that you just want to sit with and experience because it will come again and it will keep coming until the call has been answered. And then once you get those answers, then that last step, that always seems to be the hardest step for people taking the action on the answer you receive, actually honoring the anger and honoring yourself, and then going about your day.

Kimberly King:
Amazing. Yeah, I've definitely been there, screaming into a pillow, punching a pillow. It's incredibly therapeutic, completely free, you can do it at any time in the comfort of your own home.

Jessica Soares:
Exactly. Yeah. There's no downside. It really feels so good. It feels so good. And you can really, really release it.

Kimberly King:
Absolutely. So, I know you mentioned embodiment and I'd love to dive into that a little bit more because I remember in the beginning of my spiritual journey where I would hear people talk about embodiment, but nobody ever explained it to me. And I was like, what does this mean? Like, how do you do that? Like, am I doing it? I don't really know. They're just like, Oh, embody this. And I'm like, okay. But, but how, like, I don't understand. And now I get it, but I would love to dive a little bit deeper on that and just kind of give more context for people who might be in that place where they're like, okay. But I don't really get it.

Jessica Soares:
Yeah, it is. It's one of those practices that like, we use this word and it's like, hold on, but wait, what does this word mean? For me? It was, it's been, I think the basis of my journey and my healing is what I always come back to, is embodiment work. And for me, quite simply, that really means coming back to the body, coming out of the head, I'm not even talking about going into the heart. We're coming out of the heart. We're going into instinct, not even intuition. Those are different things that we're going into. Instinct and letting the body take over.

So what that very often can look like is, for anyone who hasn't done this, a great place to start is just thinking about circular motion, because we live in a very linear world. Think about standing up or laying down, laying down can feel really, really good, anywhere that you feel held, and just beginning to move your body in a circular way. Embodiment is really the motion of the body. You can circle your wrists. You can circle from your solar plexus circle into your hips. Think about bringing in movement into the body, but allowing that movement to be led by the experience of the emotion in the body, which requires such an intimate sort of relationship with your body and overcoming all of that self doubt, you really have to fall into self just because embodiment practice does not look one way, and I will fight with anyone who says that it has to look a certain way. Because you could be practicing yoga, yoga is a form of embodiment practice. If you're really, really engaged with it, you were there, you were listening to your body, you're allowing your breath to be the thing that leads you. Ecstatic dance, if anyone has tried ecstatic dance or a barefoot boogie, things that are just about releasing. Thinking about how three-year-olds dance, they're always in embodiment because their body is just responding to exactly what they're feeling. And it's really about that, you know?

So let's say you're feeling you just got broken up with by the love of your life and instead of falling, or in addition to, shall I say, it doesn't have to be an either or, falling into the place of just sobbing on your bed, crying, stand up, take those sobs, while you're sobbing, stand up and move. Start to move your body. What does your body want to do? Do you want to shake? Do you want to roll around on the ground? Do you want to stamp your feet? Do you want to scream? Embodiment practice has a lot to do with the voice as well, but it's really about just not closing in on the body. Just like imagining the body releasing and letting it all float away. First experiencing in the body because I don't think we're taught so often of how much our body holds. We would be in movement class and acting training and I remember this one time where my movement teacher came to me, and with a part of her finger, rubbed my solar plexus, a gentle little rub, and I froze and just started crying. Like I've seen people erupt into screams of pain when they're stretching just one more inch further because the body pulls everything. The body keeps the score as a fantastic book to start with all of this, if anyone is curious, but the body holds it all and the body has the capacity of experiencing. Like I know for me, like it's an immediate intuitive yes when I get chills, like I get randomly, I'll get chills and I'll be like, ooh, yes, that's a yes. I know when the middle of my back feels a pinch, that it's a no, but I've worked on developing that relationship with my body. So it does take some time and patience and focus, I think.

Kimberly King:
Definitely. I love that. You mentioned that book as well. I haven't yet read that book. But I've been diving deeper on trauma awareness and just learning more about that for my coaching practice and for myself as well. And something I remember a therapist telling me a few years ago is that trauma is stored in the body. It affects the nervous system. So that's something that you carry with you unless you address it, in your body, in your nervous system, and that can affect you in so many different ways. It can be the reason that you're experiencing anxiety when maybe nothing seems to really be happening or just some of those emotions that come up and reactions to things. And that really changed a lot for me, realizing that I can't just think my way out of things. You know, there's so much talk around mindset in the coaching industry, and I had this perception like, oh, if I just change my thoughts, I change my reality. If I just changed the way I think, and think positively, then everything will change. I can manifest anything that I want. And there is so much power in being conscious about your thoughts, but if we leave out the body, we're missing a huge piece of it.

Jessica Soares:
You need it, like in my coaching framework, there's three things that can happen. If you leave out either the body, either the soul, also the heart, I just interchange the two, but I like soul, or you leave out the mind and you either go into no body, no soul, or no mind, and you don't want any of those. Mindset is absolutely so important. So is that like more soulful heart-centered work? But if you don't have the body, you don't have the embodiment piece. You're missing such a crucial piece. And I am actually going to go as far as saying it's the most crucial, because I do think it's a piece that when you heal that part, the rest kind of heals by default, like you said, because trauma is stored in the body and the nervous system. Once you heal that, it's so much easier to change your mindset. People all operate differently for some people, maybe they do enter from the mindset and then the body responds. And that's wonderful too. I know for me, it starts and ends with the body.

Kimberly King:
Absolutely. Yeah. And something that I have a really hard time with in the mindset realm is when that is left out. And as someone who has experienced depression and anxiety, If I'm in the midst of a panic attack, I'm not going to be able to think my way out of it. Like I have to support my body and calm my nervous system before I can even take a look and think about my thoughts. If something is not working for you one way as well, it's not that there's something wrong with you, it's that you may need to try a different practice, or just the way that you operate is a bit different and finding the ways that support you the most. So I love that.

Jessica Soares:
Just curious, are there any specific tools you use for yourself when you're in the midst of like, feeling that way?

Kimberly King:
Yeah, it's been quite a while, probably a few years since I've had like a full-on panic attack, which is amazing. Because I used to have them quite frequently, but definitely breathing techniques is like my number one thing. Using the four, seven, eight breathing technique just to really calm my nervous system. Anything that grounds me. Being out in nature. I figured out for myself those are things that support my nervous system and my body and allow me to then focus on the mindset. Like, why was this emotion coming up? Do you have any practices or strategies or tools that you share with your clients to help them figure out different practices that work for them?

Jessica Soares:
Yeah. So with that, it's not even that I have any specific tools. I have my own guided embodiment practice that I offer my clients that they can use if they want to. And there are a couple of other people's guided embodiment practices that I really enjoy that I'll share with them. I think it's really about giving them permission and reminding them that they know exactly what's going to work for them. There are certain things that we gravitate towards and we know work for us, but sometimes we don't trust that because this big wellness influencer uses this specific technique. So am I never going to manifest my life because they use that technique and I don't use that technique? And I'm like, well, they manifested their life because they use a technique that works for them.

So for me, there's barely a day that I don't dance. And sometimes I'll be on my rooftop dancing for like two hours. Like for no reason, I was up there two days ago and I was just like dancing and singing. And my brother came up and he was just like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm dancing. Like, that's the only thing I'm doing in this moment, because I say that dance floors are my church. Because it's where I come back home to myself. So I like to ask people and I invite all of the listeners to ask, where's your church? Where do you feel most connected to the divine in you and the divine around you? And for me, it's also the ocean. Sometimes all I need is to go take a dive in the ocean. And I feel like I've been baptized. I come out and I'm like, whew, okay, I'm cleansed. But it's about trusting that, you know, the thing that works for you for some people it's running, some people will never get any benefit from a seated meditation. It's just not their vibe. Some people will never get any benefit from journaling. There aren't rules to what works. The only rule. My only rule is just trust yourself, trust that you know what works for you more than what anyone else says will work for you.

Kimberly King:
Yes. One hundred percent, totally agree. And I think it's important to remember too, that it's okay to try different things. Like if you try a seated meditation and you're just not feeling it, I've had clients who are like, I just can't sit still. I can't do it. It's okay to try different things. For a long time, I really did resist meditation and I was like, I can't do it. It's not for me. I realized that it is something that really calms me down and grounds me. I feel like part of it too, is being ready for the thing, the tool, the practice, and trusting the timing of that. Not forcing things.

Jessica Soares:
And honoring that it will change over time. Like what works for you in seasons? Like in a week, you know, like day to day, where you are in your cycle will change with what you need. And I think what you brought up is so, so key, like when you were resisting meditation and that's when the discernment comes in, you need to really know yourself. And be willing to be, I like to call it embarrassingly honest with yourself. You know, when you're so honest with yourself, you're embarrassed about yourself to yourself, even though there's no one around, but that's the kind of level of honesty that you want where it's just like, is this resistance or is this not for me? Is this trauma or is this intuition? So for me, again, that comes back to the body, like you have to know in your body what that feels like and be really, really honest with yourself. Like there are times where, I am a writer, so journaling is my thing. And there are times where I just won't be journaling and there's some times where it's just like, no, it's not the thing for me right now. And then there are other times where it's like, ooh, I know that when the pen hits that paper, something is going to come up that I don't want to deal with. Right?

Kimberly King:
Yes. I think having that self-awareness is so important. I'm the same way with journaling. I'll go through kind of phases where I do it more consistently, and then I'm like, nah, I'm just not feeling it, but it is really important to have that self-awareness so you can identify like, am I resisting this because it's maybe something that I need to look at that I don't really want to, or is it just something that I'm just not feeling right now and that's perfectly okay. And not forcing yourself to do that as well. I would love to talk a little bit more about this concept of love and light spirituality.

Jessica Soares:
I had somehow forgotten that that was like something that we had previously discussed. Yeah, it's so funny because I feel like I've been railing against so much lately. Always, but like more so in the past, like two months that I'm like, do people think I don't love love, and that is so not the case at all. It's just like things become associated with certain things. Chelsea Handler had posted today on her Instagram on April fools. She's like, when I see someone wearing a red hat, when I see a white man wearing a red hat and I'm like, looking at it carefully to figure out what's happening. That's how I feel with the hashtag love and light, I'm just like, all right, now I have to take some discernment. Are you using this as a tool for bypassing or are you just really spreading love and light? Because that's sometimes what it can be, but the love and light only branch of spirituality is one that I just don't vibe with because I think it's so dishonest and ignores the realities of our current world and it disconnects us from a whole part of human experience. Really what it means to be an embodied soul is to be able to walk and be present and engage with every single thing that comes up every single moment, not just the and light high vibe ones.

If you have trained your system to only be able to work with love and light, what happens when somebody dies and you're faced with grief? What happens when your boundaries are crossed or your personal space is violated? You're faced with anger. What happens when you travel somewhere and you see someone in the midst of suffering and you feel despair, like, are you going to just throw love and light at it? Are you going to tell someone who is really, really in the midst of suffering, maybe running away from civil war hasn't eaten in weeks that they should just put some love on it? Because I think that that is so messed up. That is something that I would say is so to the antithesis of everything that real spirituality is for me, because for me, real spirituality is ultimately presence, which is ultimately full trust in being able to hold and be here now, that's it. Ram Dass, here now, if it sucks, it sucks. If it hurts, it hurts. If it's uncomfortable, it's uncomfortable. If it's dark, it's dark and that's it. And being able to encompass all of that. Well also yes, encompassing the love and light and choosing to root yourself in love and not fear while also understanding that you're going to experience all of it. So I think that's more of where my whole, when people are like, love and light and like, oh god.

Kimberly King:
Absolutely. Yeah. I totally agree. And I mean, when I first started on my spiritual journey and getting into the coaching industry, that's pretty much most of what I saw and what I was taught and what I learned. And it can be so incredibly invalidating and dismissive and it can ignore the full spectrum of human experience and emotions. The reality is there's things that happen in the world that people experience that just throwing some love and light on it isn't going to just magically make it all better. It's important to acknowledge those things and not be dismissive of it and not bypass it. And I think it's really powerful when you have that space held for you to process some of those things rather than feeling like, oh, well I just need to be more high vibe, you know, I just need to think more positively. And it's like, maybe you need to process your emotions and your trauma and the experiences that you're having. And that's perfectly okay. Honestly, that's a lot healthier than just bypassing it.

Jessica Soares:
So, so funny because I think of bypassing as the ultimate low vibe thing. Truth is so important to me as  a core value understanding that we all have different subjective truths. But the truth of the moment, the honest experience of something, I think is so high vibrational, because it's so accepting of what is. It's detached. It's letting go of expectations. And bypassing is in a way another form of attachment. Bypassing is like, I'm only going to attach myself to this one version of reality that exists in this specific way that I have deemed acceptable. And it's so connected to fear, in my opinion, I don't actually think it's rooted in love. It's connected to fear, which is the ultimate, if we're going to talk about the range of vibrations, it is the lowest vibration. And I think that bypassing, whereas people that in their bypassing moment, and it can be so hard to do, because like you said, in your first journey into wellness, personal development, spirituality, we all have been there when it comes from a very bypassed place. And it's so interesting, the experience of that is so opposite to what people doing it think the experience is.

Kimberly King:
Yeah, definitely. Totally agree. I think it's important to have that discernment when it comes to coaches and mentors and teachers and people who you're following on social media and to really be able to identify for yourself if you feel that person sees you and who you are and your experiences, and that they have the capacity to hold space for that, to acknowledge that to not bypass or dismiss that because that on its own can be traumatizing.

Jessica Soares:
Yeah, absolutely. Especially because this industry, so much of online business is so unregulated, people can go out there and make a lot of claims. And then you're just like, wait, hold on. Where is this coming from? And it is, I think last year there was a big, there were like a number of wellness brands and influencers, healers that were revealed to have caused a lot of trauma and have taken advantage of people and taking people's money when they're at their most vulnerable and then just retraumatized. And we all have to be so careful for that. We're all human. We're all going to cause harm in our life. It will be unintentional, but as we learned last year, impact over intention. It will be unintentional, but just accept that it is going to happen. And when you are in the helping profession, When you are a helping professional of any kind, you really, really have to sit with yourself, acknowledge where your own limitations are. You can't help everybody. There are certain people where I'm like, I can't help you. I'm going to refer you to someone who I think can better serve you because what you're going through isn't aligned with my exact skill set and I don't want to cause more harm. And being able to say those things and not thinking that we can help everyone because no one can help everyone. Everyone needs different things. Not everyone is an energetic match. And that doesn't mean that it's bad, it might just mean that they need tomatoes and you're offering oranges. I don't know why that's what came to my mind, but there you go.

Kimberly King:
I love it. Yeah, absolutely. And I think too, as business owners and entrepreneurs, it really does require, like you said earlier, that being embarrassingly honest with yourself, you know, and I definitely had to do that. I feel like so many of us had to do that in 2020 with everything that transpired. And it's not like these were new things that were happening, but for many people, it got to a point where it could no longer be ignored. And for some people they maybe didn't have some of that awareness before. So it was really a time where I feel like a lot of business owners and entrepreneurs had that mirror held up to them and it can be super uncomfortable. And I feel like this is also where the power of sacred rage and anger really comes into that too. And allowing yourself to just look at maybe how you've been operating things that you've learned, things that you were taught, things that you may have contributed to things that aren't in alignment with who you really are or your values. And allowing yourself to process all of that and feel all of that, and then choose to show up differently, choose to take different actions, choose to educate yourself. And I think that's incredibly important work to do. Not easy, but incredibly important work to do.

Jessica Soares:
So important and absolutely not easy. That's one of the first steps with my clients. We're going to sit here and go through the capital T truth. It's that capital T truths in this storm we're all living in, what are they and where on the scale do you fall? Because we're all a part of these systems that are causing harm. We're all participating in them. And for a lot of us, like you said, they are so out of alignment with our values. So, what does it mean to be participating in something that's so far out of alignment? What does that do to our own individual alignment and then dealing with that work? Because I don't think for me, I think it's a disservice to enter any sort of healing work without thinking of the larger repercussions. Without thinking of the ripple effect. I know that when I heal myself, I heal my family, I heal my generations, my ancestors. Yes. And what are the 3D practical things? Okay. What is my healing doing now, today? For the people that maybe don't have that seat, that access to the same knowledge, tools, or information that I do. How can I make sure that I can show up for myself and for them? And that for me is so essential. My clients need to be willing to do that. And if you're not willing to get, like you said, disgustingly, embarrassingly, honest with yourself and get really uncomfortable, then I'm not the right person for you.

Kimberly King:
I love this. I would love to talk a little bit about masculine and feminine energy, a bit more into that, because I feel like it's something that we hear a lot. And I feel like for a while, masculine energy was really demonized and feminine energy was really praised and it was like, we just want to be in our feminine energy all the time. So I'd love to dive into that and just talk a little bit more about what that looks like.

Jessica Soares:
I love it. I feel like we see the world through a very similar lens. Yeah. There was like, I think for so much of human history, right? Like, yes, we live in a patriarchal society for so long, like masculine energy was glorified. I think a lot of us, I know I did at least, went through periods in growing up where we sort of rejected our feminine sides. I literally had my mom repaint all of the pink furniture in my room. Like the most stereotypical overt example of that. In the world, we're taught to praise rationality and vilify emotions and all of these things. And then it probably started like 15 years ago, maybe really took hold in the last, like five, six years in the wellness spirituality circles, where it's just like telling the masculine to F off and we're just going to do it the feminine way and it’s so funny because I think this always has to happen, you know, to find balance, we have to swing all the way in the opposite direction, but it did come to this place where like, I would hear people's conversations or see people where people are just like, no, I'm just like leaning into my feminine and it's all just going to come to me, but like they’re not doing anything, I'm just like, how is it going to come to you? Like you're calling in love, but you never leave. You hate going out. You're not on any of the dating apps. You're not asking your friends to set you up. Who? Who is showing up? Is this person just showing up at the door? Because like, please tell me, I will do the same.

So I think it's really about coming to balance. Some people get really affected by the phrasing masculine and feminine because of the binary in our world. So sometimes I use yin and yang, which can help, or penetrative and receptive or more like doing versus being or giving versus receiving. And it's a balance of that energy, right? Like you really do, I think, want to be in like a 50/50 balance with both. Most beings, most people are going to have a dominant energy, in that I know that I carry more feminine, right? Like I'm very comfortable being a woman. And I generally carry in my life more feminine energy. Not in my business. In my business, I can activate that masculine energy with the snap of my finger. I'm like, I'm going to get things done. But I think generally we want to at least be intentional about it. And maybe you do want to be like, I want my business to be rooted 70% in the yin and 30% in the yang, which is fine. That's totally fine.

I really do believe that we live in a co-creative universe. So if you decide that something is going to be true for you, it's going to be true for you. Even if what I'm saying right now goes against it, because that's just how I think reality works. But I do think we did swing a long way with people not really understanding the meaning of these energies and sort of, I’m going to be honest, using the feminine energy to be lazy. To be lazy and to make excuses is a lot of what I saw, not everyone, but a lot of what I saw and also ignoring the other part of the feminine, that is, the fiery feminine, the ocean feminine, the Kali feminine, the chaotic feminine. And the feminine can be super chaotic. And we really saw this flowy, flowery, feminine version become glorified. And I was like, wait, what about all these other energies? All the other expressions of femininity? And I think that for real success, it's about learning your own inner cycles, right?

Like this week for me has been a lot of yang energy, a lot of doing, but from a very feminine place. Because it's all come from a really creative, flowy place, but it's been a lot of doing. Whereas last week I was really sitting back, a lot of receiving, a lot of going with the flow and allowing. It's about playing that game. When am I going to just lean into the allowing? When am I going to give more of the action? When am I going to reduce the action and just lean into ease and flow? And finding a system and a formula that works for you. But what I like to say is I think of the masculine as like the frame or the pole that allows the feminine to go nuts around it. It's like giving someone a blank page and telling them to write is so much more intimidating than giving them a blank page and saying, write about apples. Use an Apple motif. Giving one piece of structure, one element of rootedness, which is what the masculine is, it's just a presence consciousness, and then allowing the flow around that. And I think that then you can enter into more aligned, more permissive flow rather than one that's just like flowing for flow’s sake.

Kimberly King:
I totally agree. It's almost like a dance that you have with the energies and figuring out the same thing with the practices, like figuring out what feels good to you and diving deeper on your dominant energy and figuring out what that looks like for you, because that's super important. So you're not trying to forc yourself to be 95% one way that maybe goes against what is more natural for you. And I don't see it quite as much anymore, but I feel like a few years ago there was a lot of talk when it comes to business, just being in your feminine. And I'm like, okay, but business to me, like it's more of a masculine energy and you have to do things to create things and you have to take action. Like the clients, I tried it, it doesn't work, the clients don't just magically fall out of the sky while you're doing absolutely nothing. I mean, you can get to a point where you can attract that, but you have to still be doing things

Jessica Soares:
Exactly.

Kimberly King:
Yeah, this conversation was incredible. Thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom and your insights. Is there anything else that you feel called to share? And I'd also love it if you could tell people where they can find you and connect with you and any offers that you currently have.

Jessica Soares:
Thank you so much for having me, Kimberly. This was such a fun way to spend my afternoon. So people can find me on Instagram. I'm at @thejessicasoares my last name altogether. And that's where I'm most active is really on Instagram. You can also find me on Facebook, Jessica A Soares, and like, you know, send me a message, like, hey, found you from Kimberly's podcast and I'll accept your friend requests, otherwise I probably won't. My website, it is www.jessicasoarescoaching.com. And I do have a new offer I'm super duper excited about. It is my inaugural group program and it's called Unchained and Untamed. And it is an amazing 12 week journey. I'm not even calling it a group coaching program because it's really more than that. We're going to do a lot of embodiment work for anyone that's like, ooh, what was that? It's going to be a combination of embodiment work ritual. Coaching practices. Neuro-linguistic programming like mindset hacks, and really a deep dive into everyone's soul. And this program really is geared towards aspiring change makers, women who are, you know, who are maybe too much women when you grew up too many ideas, too many emotions, too many passions. And now you're realizing that, wait, hold on, those are actually my superpowers, but how do I channel that into aligned action? Right? Becuse it can be quite a jump to go from, wait, I'm feeling all of these feelings to, I'm actually doing the thing. We want to get into that space of doing and being and this journey is going to get us all there together. It's 10 people, super intimate, but I am so excited about it. Like, I don't think I've ever created anything, this good in my whole life.

Kimberly King:
Amazing. It sounds absolutely incredible. So I will share your Instagram and your website in the show notes so you can go connect with Jessica on Instagram, find out more about her work and her program. And thank you again so much for joining me on the podcast today, it's been an honor and I will see you all on the next episode.

Outro:
Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode of Lead With Soul. I'm so grateful for your support and excited to have you in this community. If you would like to hear more episodes of Lead with Soul and be the first to know when new episodes are released, please subscribe to the podcast and connect with me on social media. If you receive value from today's episode, I would love for you to leave a positive review or share the podcast on your social media channels and tag me so I can connect with you. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram or visit my website here. You can find more episodes of Lead With Soul and show notes​ ​here. See you on the next episode of Lead With Soul.